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Saturday, March 22, 2008

2nd Testimony. (:

Now that SERVE's over,actually,since the 29th feb,I've got another testimony to share.Should I say another?
Cause IMO,testimonies should never,and can never,never end. :D

Anyway,this is the post-serve testimony.

Now that I've come to reflect about it,I think I truly thank God for pushing me to follow in His way.Well,just in case anyone gets the wrong idea,His push does not equate to the -pushpushSHOVE- Being the ever loving and merciful God he is,His 'push' is more like "Hey,this is a suggestion,follow this and work out your own solution. Are you game?" Indeed.And game I was so not,in the beginning.Why?

Cause even though I had really really wanted to go to church on Sundays,and part of SERVE meant that I have to go to church on Sundays,I gradually came to realize that all my favorite cartoon slots are on SUNDAYS! So I was like,oh man!can finally go to CHURCH!But cartoons? ): Yepp.So I guess I learnt what sacrifice meant early on in the journey with Him.(Ok,at this point,some might be like wth?What kind of sacrifice do you call that?!) But can I remind you guys,~~No,this seriously isn't an excuse I am making for myself~~ that I just became christian last year?So please,give me room to grow.And different people face different issues.What is small to you,may be HUGE to others. (: And however small the sacrifice,it still is one.Doesn't make it any more/less important.

I've also come to thank God,sincerely,for the people I've been blessed to have come across during the past two months or so;through them I've learnt SO much. (: Like,I always had a very negative mindset,so I always thought 'nobody likes me,they don't care if I died,much less hurt myself.' Especially so,during SERVE.I mean, sure,there were people who were concerned,some disgusted,I suppose,when they came to know that I do hurt myself for kicks.But it was those whom were concerned,that I questioned.I was like 'Is it genuine,or do they just want others to know they care?What will they gain from it?Why do they give a damn?' I'm sorry for thinking that way,but it's just the way I am ): And well,I suppose I'd be lying if I said I don't think that way anymore,but it's to a much smaller extent that I think this way,now.I just met someone yesterday,who showed me it wasn't.

Times when I want to give up,that's when I look to you most.
I want an answer.

I am really thinking that I should be more patient.Like who knows,maybe if I were,that auntie would have been more willing to share with me what happened.I cannot promise I'd be able to really help her,but I really could have provided her with a listening ear.I learnt that,most people just need others to listen to,rather than talk to,them.

And I wouldn't say that there has been a major transformation within me,but to a certain extent,I know I've been changed.I no longer just blame my parents for every argument we have.I guess,I realize I need to be less prideful.I mean,so what if I am?They're more than likely to be too.They are humans too.It's truly tempting to just say,THEY are my parents,they should teach through examples.BUT I have to remember that neither are Christians.But it's not to say that just cause they aren't Christians,they have nothing for me to look up to them for.Like the fact that they stayed married for 18 years,it's amazing! My own relationship only lasted 1 year and 10 months ): And yeah,though they didn't really like me getting into a relationship then,they still were kinda there for me when it was gone.And my dad paid for my education through the years,and my mum gave me my pocket money.And well,they brought me up.
Now,if only I can bring myself to say it to them.It'd be an epic blockbuster.

She was loved. 6:29 PM