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Friday, June 6, 2008

"I advice you to hang onto being Christian."

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.I'd wish to,too.I know that it won't be easy,the Christian walk..But I don't know why,I seem to be filled with SO MANY questions,doubts,and what nots.It's REALLY HORRENDOUS,I wouldn't wish it on any of my enemies. =x

I really wonder if I am any better than a non-believer.Although I have chosen to take Him as my personal savior,I still have lots of doubts,and very little faith..I don't even know how to pray. )): And yeah.I wonder what's faith.then Yuki gave me Hebrews 11:1. Okayyy.That explains it.A little.I hate how I am so full of questions,but have such little capability to answer them.Makes me feel real useless. ))):

Anyways,this is an excerpt of my letter,from my Mentor;Geofferey:

'Remember this path you have chosen is not always a path full of easiness,but in reality,the hardest route to follow.But do you not wonder why there are so many people still believing in Him?Why there are so many people willing to carry this cross of salvation?'

Well,actual fact is that I DO.In fact,more often than you'd think I will. =x sighs.I am questioning my conviction as well.Why I first believed.

I think it was more for acceptance;a place I belong,where I can be me..I want to find my identity, and be able to live with it,with my head held high.Because what I think of me now,I don't think I deserve a place in His Kingdom.

It's so easy to say,to advice,to quote.But how many of us can really do what we preach?

Stories of Samson & Paul (Saul) gives hope that even the most vile of mankind can be accepted, so long as they confess..But they didn't seem to have much doubts..

Job was a man of character and strength,that even when everything seemed to be gone,he still found strength to praise the Lord.His is a story that shows God is with us through every circumstance,He will let the devil get away with doing anything to us,SO LONG as he doesn't take our lives.It seems to highlight the old cliche;"whatever can't kill you will only serve to make you stronger." Seems to me as though Job was an example of how to be in the world,yet not of the world.

Nicodemus was one who had PLENTY of doubts..But was enlightened in the end.

I felt as though I can relate to this character..Though I may not have memorized the Bible,I do know what I can do.Or can't.But I still question it,and sometimes do it so others would get off my back..

I only hope that now that I've realized this,I'll be able to move on,and improve myself.To be able to grow in my walk with Him..

I don't know how to go about getting involved in an accountability group.Who am I accountable to?Myself & He who is within me..Is that not so?Who else would be interested in my life,since neither my relatives nor family are Christians?.

She was loved. 1:58 PM